The United States of Amexico

I was having a conversation with my female friend the other day on the topic of immigration. We were discussing a news article I read which described the discovery of a 5-foot-tall passageway with electric and ventilation systems and security cameras leading from a Mexicali residence to a house across the border. Her words - I say it's time to dig a trench all the way down to bedrock across the entire southern border of the US, and fill it with concrete.

What an interesting concept.

Yes.

Or we could spend that money transforming our bible belt into an armed 'anti-illegal immigration' militia...

Or maybe construct a giant space laser.

Yes. It is time for one of those things.

Yes. Sure.

Maybe we should dust the border with some kind of mild toxin so that when they cross over they fall to the ground frothing at the mouth like rabid dogs.

Yes. More ideas. Lets have more ideas about stamping out this terrible menace.

Why don't we deposit weight for weight the same amount of nuclear waste into Mexico as they ship across to us in illegal immigrants?

So, you've heard about Los Alamos. Area 51. It's actually the end of the Mexican tunnel, and when they come up out of the ground where all those nuclear tests were done, they're all grey and scrawny with huge heads and eyes so they can see in the dark tunnels...

Excuse me... I have to go write that down....

Go Mexico. The United States of Amexico. Two nations, one financial institution. Final thought, we can turn Mexico into one giant prison, or alternatively some kind of cheap labor market resources... Oh wait...

The School for Male Models

Are you beautiful on the outside? Do women catch their breath as you walk past, and not because you smell like a cheetos and diet cola factory? Are your chiseled abs hard enough to crack the fingers of a small child as they attempt to retrieve a candy from deep inside your belly button?

Yes, I thought not.

But would you like to know the joys of all these things?

Yes, of course you would. Your body cries out for it, I know that it does.

It wants to know the gentle touch of aloe vera, it yearns to bathe in keratine, to be exfoiliated and moisteurised, to be clipped, trimmed, waxed, scrubbed, peeled and finally massaged with exotic oils until you too are beautiful, beautiful like a young and virile greek god.

Now you too can enroll in my very own school for male models.

Look at one of my most successful graduates. originally, this man has a very charming boy next door look.




But I transform heeem! With my patented male model program, I transform him into a GOD!

All it takes is hard work, a belief that you too are sensationally beautiful and a 6 week course in my patented male model program.

You know that beautiful people are better people.

Come, its time you became one of us...

Send US$100 in cash to an address that I will shortly post to gain entry to your new life!



Warning: Not all participants in the program will acheive the results of the example given above. Indeed some of you will come away smelling even more like cheetos and cola, only now you'll also have the sour stench of failure and defeat about you. Some products involved in the patented male model program may cause the following side effects: Gigantism, flatulance, boils, permanent disfiguration, loss of bowel control, loss of bladder control, short term memory loss, blurred vision, priapism, hallucinations, shortness of breath, shrinkage of the testicles, random animal attacks, your parents will hate you and cut you out of their will, nausea, vomiting, compulsive disorders, blindness, cancer, gangrene, hair loss, persistent genital rash, impotence, grand mal seizures, paralysis of the hands, 'werewolf' syndrome, nervous tics, ingrown penis, development of breasts, and possibly pinprick hemmorages of the colon