A letter I recently recieved

Tumham Nala Turkey said...

Congratulations. Your profile has received 27 views since May 1st. That is roughly .18 views per day. Not bad... Oh wait yes it. .18 is nothing. Believe me. I know. Our family only eats about .18 pounds of food per day since you quit your job and left our people to become a blogger. For this purpose I am writing you this letter. Give up your foolish dreams and come home.

I have included the following reasons why.

1. The fashion industry has taken off. With the world at war, jock straps have become high in demand. I know that being a jock strap tester may not be the most appealing job in the world but no one could take a shot to the balls like you... No one!

2. True love waits you here. You arranged marriage was scheduled 3 months ago. Your wife and I waited all night for you come and you never did. However, she still waits for the day of your return. P.S. Your future wife is 3 months pregnant.

3. All these blogs seem to be affecting your mind and caused you to forget your true identity. For you often close in the wrong name. You are Mahmut Alan Turkey! Leader of our people.

4. I don't know who Craig is but I have never met one cool person named Craig.

Mahmut, your family waits for you. Please come home.

Your Brother,
Tumham Nala Turkey